I have spent over a decade having what I call “necessary conversations” with staff.
Because, I had to address what could not be ignored.
When you look at courses on the topic of having conversations with staff, they are often entitled “having difficult conversations,” and perhaps rightly so.
For me, conversations are not always difficult, yet I have found, they are often necessary.
You will also see many suggest the practice of coaching or mentoring and I am not averse to these at all.
Coaching and mentoring are extremely popular topics and with good reason.
When done well, they can help employees learn and grow and develop the acumen they need to succeed in their roles.
Although coaching can take a substantial amount of time, it can help build capacity, confidence and help a manager become a leader.
Mentoring can provide much faster operational results by providing tried and tested tools and techniques for people to apply without necessarily much effort.
To be, this reflects a normal state environment where trust and respect exist in all directions and even whereby the employee is already a solid performer.
In my experience, sometimes, things go wrong.
I have come across many instances whereby a staff member was purposely, consciously behaving in a manner or saying something that had a serious negative consequence on the operations, clients, other staff or organization.
This is when a more direct necessary conversation needs to be had.
A coaching conversation might be framed around curiosity, an openness to share, learn and develop.
A necessary conversation is different.
It is about accountability and impact.
Not every leader has the training, personality, or experience to conduct deep coaching or mentoring conversations.
And that’s okay.
Coaching is a skill that takes time to learn.
However, in my experience, every leader must be able to have necessary conversations.
Trust me on this, if the necessary conversation is not had, don’t be surprised if the bad behaviour escalates, continues and has a larger negative impact.
Inaction may send a message that the behaviour is tolerated, and inaction witnessed by others sends them a message as well.
It took me several years to develop my own framework.
I will refrain from the specifics here in this passage yet will share that in these conversations I strive to listen and understand, to be candid and clear, yet empathetic.
I look at the situation form the perspective of the individual yet also have items that I have validated as facts.
The impact of the behaviour is discussed in an objective manner, even by taking names away.
Empathy is always present yet if adequate tools, training and support were regularly, appropriately and consistently provided, accountability of actions is part of the equation.
At the end, there are things we need to agree to including “what will we do if this happens again?”
Coaching is great for learning.
Mentoring is useful to share.
Yet, when things go wrong, a necessary conversation needs to be had.
I highly encourage regular and consistent coaching and mentoring if you have the acumen and the time to do this; these are great to have.
“Necessary conversations” are necessary to address what cannot be ignored.